Home School

To all of you who are,were or will be home schooled: Do Not Read This! I'm not real sure why I thought of this but lately I've been pondering how insane home schooling is. Is there a more out of touch segment of society than home schooled/private schooled kids. The majority have about as much social awareness as a maple tree. They are socially retarded. I'm not saying that public school education is better. In fact it is probably worse but I think the more important part of education is interaction between peers. We have all been around home schooled people and felt massively awkward around those social dwarfs. So let this be a warning to all you parents out there. Don't let your kids grow up to be clueless.

No Inspiration

Many of you have noticed that I haven't blogged for quite some time. I haven't been that busy so I can't use that as an excuse. I haven't been dating so that went out the window. The main reason is nothing has gotten under my skin lately. I usually blog about how bitter I am or how people are bugging me. I have missed Institute that last few weeks so that usually provides great dirt to dish on. Last night I finally experienced something that got me going. It is that guy feels the need to officiated a sporting contest from the sidelines. I went to see my friends play in a rec league volleyball game and their opponent had a dad on the sideline that was out of control. He kept yelling at the ref that the other team was breaking rules that nobody knew existed. He had that whole condescending attitude. Not only did get after the ref, he was all over his team telling them he wanted to hear more chatter and the science of the serve and spike. What a tool. He is that universal guy that we all have experienced usually in little league or church ball. You know those games that are life or death.

Spring has Sprung

Well it appears that warm weather is finally here. That can mean only one thing: fashion disasters. There are several things in life that shouldn't be mixed: peanut butter and gasoline, pine cones and nacho cheese, and tube tops and girth. I'm not sure why people feel the need to show off excessive amounts of skin and stretch marks to the world but we have all seen this catastrophe. Spandex and cellulite are two things that the world doesn't ever need to see. The thing that amazes me the most is these people think they are hot stuff. If you are having trouble picturing this stereotype, I have one word for you WALMART. It is as if there is some instinctive gene in said person that makes them all gather together at Wally World to purchase Milwaukee's Best and Easy Cheese. So I issue this public warning to all my dear friends and enemies alike (because I don't wish this sight on anyone), don't venture out if you are feeling queasy because one sight of this cottage cheese in saran wrap will make you toss your cookies.

Singles Ward Testimonies

All of you out there who have ever attended a single's ward know exactly what I'm talking about. Yesterday was fast Sunday. That meant testimony meeting. I've heard people bear their testimonies on everything from Chronicales of Narnia to felonies. Yesterday was a first. A guy got up and began talking about his mission. He served a sign language mission in Colorado. He began to explain a disscussion about the law of chastity. Oh yeah this was about to get good. He said they usually had to act things out because there weren't signs. He told the congregation that he and his companion acted out having sex to show the investigators what not to do. Incredible. He went into a very detailed account including explaining how his companion used a sheet as a dress and he crawled out from underneath it demonstrate having a baby. Remember this was all done over the pulpit. Awesome. I still can't understand how there aren't signs for these things but what do I know. So all of you out there that think your meetings are crazy, try and top that one.

No Pants, No Problem

Today is indeed No Pants Day. Ironically is corresponds with the day of my sister's birth. A coincidence? Perhaps. (On a side note, a tip of the cap and a wave of jubilation goes out to Mindi on this anniversary of her escape from the womb). I've done some research and discovered that this joyous celebration dates back to 1928 in Hollywood. Some big wig movie types started No Trouser's Day for no other reason except they could. This year's big celebration will be held in Boise. Some activists are using it as a chance to protest the lack of a mass transit system in Boise. This has led to some purists (including myself) to condemn the use of this glorious holiday for political propaganda and positioning. Leave it to the Treasure Valley. Anyway, I digress. I imagine most of you are wondering will I or won't I bust a no pants move. The answer is quite complex. For the last 10 years, I've slowly been getting tattooed up and down my legs. With what you might ask? A pair of brown corduroys. So now I can rock No Pants Day everyday and nobody will be the wiser. So if you see me coming down the street sporting brown cords, think twice about that big bear hug you want to bestow upon me.

P.S.
If you want to see my lower body work of art, it's going to cost you

That guy

Everybody knows that guy. I recently experienced an entire group of that guy. We were supposed to get together at the stake center to play some flag football. Well, it turns out that some genius decided it would be a good idea to play tackle. I'm rockin' flip flops and these guys are putting on cleats. That was only the start. You would have thought it was the Super Bowl. People were going nuts. I got blocked so hard I couldn't see straight and I was on the other side of the field from the ball. I found out later that three or four of the guys are on a semi-pro football team up here. Are you kidding me? The quarterback on my team thought it would be funny to throw me the ball and watch me run for my life. What a Butt. I suppose it is comforting to know that wherever you go, there will always be that guy.

AKA Jeff "The Hawk" Hawker

NFL Draft

As most of you know, I'm a huge sports fan. This weekend was the NFL Draft. I didn't watch all 16 hours of it of I caught my fair share. To update all you Cougar Alum. Bryan Kehl was picked no. 24 of the 4th round by the Super Bowl Champion NY Giants. No other Cougar was drafted but Kelly Poppinga signed a free agent contract with the Dolphins. He will join John Beck and John Denney in Miami. You might know that his brother Brady, plays for the Packers. Another good Mormon boy to keep your eye on is Spencer Larson. He played for the University of Arizona. He was drafted with the 17 pick of the 6th round by Denver. Lets not forget Kevin Curtis. Even though he is an Aggie. He is a solid receiver for the Eagles coached by a "good" mormon Andy Reid ("good" other than his druggie kids). Here is a complete list of Cougs in the pros:
John Beck Quarterback Miami Dolphins
Daniel Coats Tight End Cincinnati Bengals
Ryan Denney Defensive End Buffalo Bills
John Denney Center Miami Dolphins
Aaron Francisco Safety Arizona Cardinals
Chris Hoke Defensive Tackle Pittsburgh Steelers
Scott Jackson Guard Houston Texans
Cameron Jensen Linebacker Seattle Seahawks
Bryan Kehl Linebacker New York Giants
Brett Keisel Defensive End Pittsburgh Steelers
Reno Mahe Running Back Philadelphia Eagles
Shaun Nua Defensive End Buffalo Bills
Brady Poppinga Linebacker Green Bay Packers
Naufahu Tahi Fullback Minnesota Vikings
John Tait Offensive Tackle Chicago Bears
Todd Watkins Wide Receiver Oakland Raiders
Scott Young Guard Philadelphia Eagles
Many of you aren't sports fans so you don't care about any of this and think I'm an idiot, but you read the whole post so who is the idiot now.