Its Marriage Not Nuclear Physics

For some odd reason the planets have aligned in the last month or so to really push the marriage agenda. I got my mail last week and found the April issue of the Ensign. I was thumbing through it only to discover half of the issue was devoted to marriage. And not the usual topics like maintaining a strong marriage but advice on how to actually get married. It was filled with first hand accounts and advice from recently married couples. GIVE ME A BREAK. The last thing I need is lovey dovey couples who are still floating on a cloud made of toasters, reception mints, and an over inflated image of their own awesomeness, to give me marriage tips. They come across as a modern day Mother Teresa reaching down into the gutters of society to provide much needed rays of enlightenment to the disgruntled masses and burdens of society. They actually had the audacity to explain the process that goes into getting married.

I am supremely confident in my next opinion. There isn't a single active Mormon over the age of 23 that doesn't know how to get married. The process isn't that complex. I mean we've all seen some of these people that are dabbling in the matrimonial arts and no disrespect to their genetics but some of these people should not reproduce but here they are, lucky in love. Some of the comments in the articles were so condescending I nearly pulled a hamstring throwing the magazine in disgust. Granted I took the short bus to school but getting married isn't like creating a particle accelerator in Geneva. Here is my breakdown: Two people cross paths. They discover that they don't completely annoy one another so they start a relationship on that. They meet each other's families and seem to handle the inappropriate jokes and that creepy uncle/brother with minimal issues. A few months go by and they are still relatively unrepulsed by the each other so they decide they might as well get married for the tax break and to get society off their backs. End of story. I'm sure love is sprinkled in there somewhere but with the divorce rate as high as it is, sometimes I wonder.

Don't misinterpret what I'm trying to say. I'm not against the institution of marriage. Marriage and families are the building blocks of society and the decline of said institution is proportionately related to the downfall of decency in the world. I fully support my church authorities and the commandment to get married. I am, however, against know-it-all tools who feel it their foreordained mission to spoon feed me step-by-step instructions on how to join the rest of the blissful idiots with their heads in the clouds. The reason I'm not married has nothing to do with not knowing the intricacies of courtship. Could it possibly be because the most "suitable" (I also don't believe there is a one and only but that is a whole other topic) option has not presented itself? People, I beg you, pull your heads out of your self righteous orifices and join society as a contributing member rather than a self-aggrandizing busy body.

Just Another Self Esteem Boost

Well I guess it wasn't meant to be. I lost in the first round of the brawl. Honestly I'm really glad I didn't win because I don't think I could write a blog a week all year long. I really didn't have much of a chance. How am I supposed to compete with a girl writing about dresses? I do think it's a sad commentary on the mormon culture. They relate more to a 20 year old buying bridesmaid dresses than at 27 year old writing about the complexities and intricacies of life. I think that is one of the reasons why its so hard being older and single. People still place a stigma next to you wondering why you didn't buy bridesmaid dresses ten years ago. But that is just one of the joys of being a menace to society. Thanks for all the support but apparently most of you haven't been paying your tithing otherwise I think it may have come out differently.

On a side note this is a reason why I would never have won anyway:
Is it just me or does anybody else have an issue with the Osmonds? I have a real hard time dealing with the fact that Pres. Monson spoke at the funeral of Marie Osmond's son. He had been in and out of rehab and committed suicide in LA. I realize everybody deserves the benefit of the doubt but the fact that the Prophet spoke at a funeral of somebody that really had nothing to do with the church other than being part of a famous family gives the impression that you can lead whatever life you want and as long as you have connections, your life will be celebrated as an example of righteous living. I understand that I'm a cynic and generally a bad person so I'm probably on an island with this one but writing on a blog is cheaper that hiring a therapist.

Blogger Brawl

Thanks to a little encouragement from my cousin Lisa, I entered the Mormon Times 20 Something blogger contest. I have been selected as one of 32 bloggers to go head to head until a winner is selected by the readers. The main focus of the blog is being single and dating as an older mormon. So my first battle is March 10 on Mormon Times so if you are so inclined you can check me out there and vote if you are so moved. I'll probably be disqualified at some point for preaching false doctrine and leading good members astray but until then, anything goes.

http://www.mormontimes.com/mormon_voices/guest_blog/?id=13193