Air Traffic Control

Today's rant is about airports. Why do things have to be so difficult. The last two trips down to Yuma I went from Pasco to Seattle to LAX to Yuma. For those of you unfamiliar with LAX have to leave security and take a bus to another terminal and do the whole thing over again if you are changing airlines. It is the worst. Going through security once is bad enough. Now try and getting randomly assigned the complete search. Last time I got that in Pasco and LAX the same day. Brutal. So this trip home I decided to fly to Phoenix to avoid having to leave security and take a bus. I've flown to Phoenix probably a dozen times and never had to change terminals. Well this morning was another story. So I had to wad through a hord of people, catch a bus, and go through security again. The only bright spot was the fact that I didn't get the rubber glove treatment in Yuma or Phoenix. The bad news is I'm only going home for five or six days before I have to do the whole thing over again. Sometimes I really love this job.

Some Like It Hot

It was 112 degrees in Yuma today. There isn't anything else to say on that.

Popular Demand or Charity Case?

I've noticed on my map that I'm quite the global demand. It can't be my atrocious alliteration or literary ineptness so the only thing I can figure is my moneymaker is the culprit. Like I've told so many, its a blessing and a curse. So to all you Bowen Bandwagoneers, where are the ladies? I publish a quarterly plea for a charming companion but it falls on deaf ears. Even those of you who promised to look for a mate tell me you found a few candidates but you can't tell me about them because they are a secret. Secret or non-existent? I'm on to you. You are ashamed you know me. I'll just go stand in the corner with my nose against the wall. Don't worry, I'm getting pretty good at it.

The Bad Kind of Chewbacca

I realized I haven't posted a good tirade in a while. Staying down in the Armpit of America for 2 weeks will give a person a lot of ammunition. My topic d'jour is white trash chewing gum. That's right I'm talking about the long-cut leaf Levi Garrett made famous. There are a number of guys on my crew that put a pinch of chaw in on any occasion the day provides. Don't get me wrong. I love my redneck brethren. I think there should be day set aside to celebrate the miracle of the mullet, but people lay off the chewba. Every time I get into my pickup I come eye to eye with a diet Pepsi bottle full of that sadistic spittle. Is there anything worse in this world. You might as well carry around a thermos of raw sewage. I was driving one day with a coworker and he had a pinch in. He was also swapping spit time with knocking back a diet Pepsi. You can see where this is going. He picked up his toxic sludge bottle and was ready to take a swig but I had to stop him. As funny as it might have been, he was driving my vehicle and I wasn't really looking forward to cleaning tongue rubbish out of my vents.
So this is plea to all my Copenhagen Cowboys: STOP PACKING THE LIPPER AND TAKE AN ASTRONOMY COURSE ON THE BIG DIPPER!(the constelation not the world record for biggest tobacco plug ever insterted between the lip and gum)

In Like A Lion

For all of you out there thinking it is a vacation down here in Yuma I present some photographic proof of my life. In the bottom picture you can see the very top of a power pole that is only about 100 feet away. Remember it is still about 95 degrees outside when this thing came rolling through.

Motherly Love

I love my family especially my mother. She was worried that people would think she was a bad parent because of my post about power pole trauma. Not the case. The only reason she made me bandage myself was because she was concerned about my education and didn't want me to fall behind my other school chums. Makes perfect sense. I'm her little brown bear.

Veggie Tails?

I loath vegetables. Ask anybody who knows me. I order my sandwiches at Subway with only meat and cheese. It has been a thorn in my mother's side forever. Growing up she always made be eat one spoonful of green beans before I could leave the table. I remember a few occasions when I thought she would cave but two hours later I was still sitting there with cold green beans on my plate that I had to choke down. Even today when I go home my mom makes me eat my veggies. She always asks me what I'm going to do when my wife cooks vegetables for dinner? I usually tell her I will run outside and hide. Plus I'm pretty sure that if a person eats too many vegetables they will sprout a tail. The reason I bring this up is that I had a terribly traumatic experience yesterday. I had to drive 30 hours from from Moses Lake to Yuma. Yesterday my coworkers and I stopped in Alturas CA for lunch. I ordered a delicious burrito from El Burro Mexican restaurant. When my entree arrived, I was horrified to find a toxic jungle of greenery on top of my tasty tortilla. I have grown used to this and spent about two hours meticulously cleaning my meal. By the time I was finished, I was thoroughly exhausted. I cut into my mountain of Mexican goodness only to find the inside was more contaminated than a Chernobyl Chili Cook off. Tears began to well up in my eyes and I had to abandon my designs for a pleasant meal. Luckily the chips and salsa were fabulous. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sit through years of professional therapy in order just to be in the same room with wicked leafage. Keep me in your prayers.

Hostile Takeover?

Did you catch Sarah Palin at the GOP convention? Talk about coming out swinging. She was throwing haymakers like she was Ali at the Rumble in the Jungle. I was thoroghly impressed with not only her delivery but her confidence. I honestly didn't know much about her before last week, but after last night I was excited to see the direction the Grand Old Party is headed. My favorite line from the whole speech was "...this is a man who has authored two memoirs but not a single major law or even a reform, not even in the State Senate." Classic. I hope she keeps rural America a priority. This whole election process has been filled with low blows and mud slinging and it is only going to get worse. Hopefully after all is said and done, we will have a president that isn't a puppet for a bunch of tree-hugging liberal hippies.