The Bad Kind of Chewbacca

I realized I haven't posted a good tirade in a while. Staying down in the Armpit of America for 2 weeks will give a person a lot of ammunition. My topic d'jour is white trash chewing gum. That's right I'm talking about the long-cut leaf Levi Garrett made famous. There are a number of guys on my crew that put a pinch of chaw in on any occasion the day provides. Don't get me wrong. I love my redneck brethren. I think there should be day set aside to celebrate the miracle of the mullet, but people lay off the chewba. Every time I get into my pickup I come eye to eye with a diet Pepsi bottle full of that sadistic spittle. Is there anything worse in this world. You might as well carry around a thermos of raw sewage. I was driving one day with a coworker and he had a pinch in. He was also swapping spit time with knocking back a diet Pepsi. You can see where this is going. He picked up his toxic sludge bottle and was ready to take a swig but I had to stop him. As funny as it might have been, he was driving my vehicle and I wasn't really looking forward to cleaning tongue rubbish out of my vents.
So this is plea to all my Copenhagen Cowboys: STOP PACKING THE LIPPER AND TAKE AN ASTRONOMY COURSE ON THE BIG DIPPER!(the constelation not the world record for biggest tobacco plug ever insterted between the lip and gum)