That guy

Everybody knows that guy. I recently experienced an entire group of that guy. We were supposed to get together at the stake center to play some flag football. Well, it turns out that some genius decided it would be a good idea to play tackle. I'm rockin' flip flops and these guys are putting on cleats. That was only the start. You would have thought it was the Super Bowl. People were going nuts. I got blocked so hard I couldn't see straight and I was on the other side of the field from the ball. I found out later that three or four of the guys are on a semi-pro football team up here. Are you kidding me? The quarterback on my team thought it would be funny to throw me the ball and watch me run for my life. What a Butt. I suppose it is comforting to know that wherever you go, there will always be that guy.

AKA Jeff "The Hawk" Hawker

NFL Draft

As most of you know, I'm a huge sports fan. This weekend was the NFL Draft. I didn't watch all 16 hours of it of I caught my fair share. To update all you Cougar Alum. Bryan Kehl was picked no. 24 of the 4th round by the Super Bowl Champion NY Giants. No other Cougar was drafted but Kelly Poppinga signed a free agent contract with the Dolphins. He will join John Beck and John Denney in Miami. You might know that his brother Brady, plays for the Packers. Another good Mormon boy to keep your eye on is Spencer Larson. He played for the University of Arizona. He was drafted with the 17 pick of the 6th round by Denver. Lets not forget Kevin Curtis. Even though he is an Aggie. He is a solid receiver for the Eagles coached by a "good" mormon Andy Reid ("good" other than his druggie kids). Here is a complete list of Cougs in the pros:
John Beck Quarterback Miami Dolphins
Daniel Coats Tight End Cincinnati Bengals
Ryan Denney Defensive End Buffalo Bills
John Denney Center Miami Dolphins
Aaron Francisco Safety Arizona Cardinals
Chris Hoke Defensive Tackle Pittsburgh Steelers
Scott Jackson Guard Houston Texans
Cameron Jensen Linebacker Seattle Seahawks
Bryan Kehl Linebacker New York Giants
Brett Keisel Defensive End Pittsburgh Steelers
Reno Mahe Running Back Philadelphia Eagles
Shaun Nua Defensive End Buffalo Bills
Brady Poppinga Linebacker Green Bay Packers
Naufahu Tahi Fullback Minnesota Vikings
John Tait Offensive Tackle Chicago Bears
Todd Watkins Wide Receiver Oakland Raiders
Scott Young Guard Philadelphia Eagles
Many of you aren't sports fans so you don't care about any of this and think I'm an idiot, but you read the whole post so who is the idiot now.

Hug a Tree

So yesterday was Earth Day. Give me a break. The only thing on tv last night were shows on global warming. I'm not saying global warming is a fraud but it snowed here yesterday. Now there is a report from a scientist in Australlia that says we are getting closer to an Ice Age than global warming. There are far too many whack jobs out there with too much money. Instead of spending all the money that is used for lawsuits to protect fish nobody eats, save trees nobody wants, and guard animals nobody has seen, we should get these oil prices under control so old John Q Farmer doesn't have to mortgage his house in order to spread fertilizer on the south 40. So to all you birkenstock wearing, granola eating, carabeener on the coffee cup sporting, frisbee with your dog in the park playing, nut cases: get a job and leave us alone!

Another idea: you could join the rainbow family and start a drum circle in your back yard

Editorial on Life as an Outcast

I spend a lot of time thinking. Well its a mix between thinking and quoting movies. (I'll come at you like a spider monkey.) Anyway, lately I've been thinking about the single life. I was recently informed that a younger cousin got engaged. That leaves three cousins on my dad's side that aren't married out of like 25. Two are in the same family (Terrence and Philip). There is so much pressure to get married in our culture. Just ask Mandi about the spring insert into the Daily Universe. My sister and I talk about this all the time. Every time we run into somebody from home, all they want to know is marital status. I could have a third arm growing out of my neck that has become a world famous hand model but that is secondary to marriage prospects. People approach my parents and want to know if their kids ride the short bus because they aren't married. Mandi and I don't ride the short bus. We drive it! I think most people automatically assume that because you are older than 23 and not married you are bitter and lonely. Granted I'm bitter but that has nothing to do with my bachelorhood. Brother Brigham is credited with saying single people are a drain on society. If that is true, I suppose I would be more like a vacuum. My parents are fabulous. They don't pressure me at all. They want me to get married but realize that it will happen sooner or later (Julie would love it much sooner than later). So I publish this plea to all you out there who loose sleep over us singles: We sincerely appreciate your concern but don't worry. We aren't mutants (for the most part), we aren't gay (except for Josh Groban), and we don't cry ourselves to sleep at night (except after a good Micheal Bolton ballad).

Plus Jesus still thinks we are super cool.

Dream On

I think something has broken in my head. I have been having the strangest dreams the last few nights. For example, last night I dreamed that BYU was playing Minico in soccer on the field at Pella. The thing was it was Sunday and church was going on. I was outside because I was skipping Sunday School and was walking through the field by Genius Gene Gerescht's trees. Then a bunch of people I graduated high school with came out of church and started to play against Minico. What was that all about. I know some of you out there try to analyse dreams so go ahead and try to figure this one out.

TP

Since Brittany and Landon have teamed up and taken on split personalities, I've decided that Mandi and I will be Terrance and Phillip. At first I was thinking Mr Garrison and Mr Hat, but I think those crafty Canadians have more clout. If you have to ask, it is probably better that you didn't.

Up in Smoke

You think you had a bad day. Try burning up $100,000 worth of company property. I didn't personally but my crew was responsible for this fire. They burned some trash in a barrel that apparently smoldered and wind blew some embers into stacks of wood boxes. Nothing like getting a call at 7pm saying your building was on fire. I flew out to find about 20 firetrucks in mad chaos. No damage was done to buildings or equipment just custom made wood boxes. I'm just getting over the feel of vomiting.

O Ye of little faith

So many skeptics out there. I don't own a camera. I'm not one of those people. So that is the reason I haven't posted a picture of my facial hair. If you need somebody to testify of my manhood, ask Tom. He has been a witness to the glory of my post pubescent transformation.

Bitter, Bitter, Bitter

I am extremely bitter at all of you. I know there are at least 207,000 different readers that subscribe to my blog and not one of you has hooked me up with a member of the opposite sex. I pleaded with you a month ago to help me land somebody famous. Wow. you are all so selfish. Are you trying to make me look like an idiot. Trust me, I don't need your help to do that. I drive a Dodge Stratus. I'm in charge of 15 people. People are scared of me.

I know there are a number of you that haven't been able to sleep without updates on my facial hair revolution. Well worry no longer. I decided Saturday night that since we finished up planting it was a perfect time to do some manscaping. I torched the beard and am now sporting a glorious set of handlebars. It literally brought tears to my eyes to part with the beard but it was like my beard was a caterpillar, my face was a cocoon, and my stache is a beautiful butterfly. I can't wait to go to a truck stop and show it off. If I had to describe it I would say it is a cross between a rainbow and the mane of a unicorn. Breathtaking.

I'm Back

Not that anybody cares but we finished up transplanting last week. Hopefully my life will return to some semblance of normalcy now.